A Reluctant Soccer Mom

I don't do "Social". Well...I do it, but I don't like it. Actually...I do like it, but only when it's on my terms.

My entire life, I've been an introvert. I wouldn't consider myself "shy", nor "soft-spoken"...just introverted. I like keeping my little corner of the world quaint and familiar...solid and supportive...with an occassional dash of spontaneous "whim" to keep my inner extrovert quiet and well-behaved.

I grew up in a small family in Colorado: two parents, an older brother, and a younger sister. The majority of my extended family lives on the west coast, and a few more over in Florida. There were very few trips to visit those extended family members so, for all intents and purposes, I consider myself as having grown up in a small, somewhat sheltered*, family.

It comes as no surprise, in my retroactive self-analysis, that I have grown into an introverted woman.** Don't get me wrong; I love to be outside, chatting with friends and neighbors over a beer, watching all the kiddos play in the cul-de-sac. I really enjoy going out for pedicures and/or dessert with my close girlfriends. But, that's all on my terms. I socialize when I choose (usually it depends on 2 factors: (1) the weather, and (2) whether I'm wearing anything covered in stains, which were likely put there by my boys)...and I'm happy. I'm comfortable being an introvert. But there is a little inner extrovert in me that wishes I was an outdoor-enthusiastic & sporty, yet fashionable & social, butterfly who is, in the words of my cousin-in-law "grabbing life by the ears".

If I had a choice, I'd like my boys to grow into extroverted men, with little introverted personalities who occassionally like to read a book or have a heart-to-heart chat with their sweetie. So...for fear of breeding introverted sons, I've had to make very conscious decisions to involve them in various activities with their peers***...sports, playdates, birthday parties...those kinds of things.

I really love seeing my boys making friends and experiencing things that I never did as a kid, but really wish I had. I love going to their games and chearing on them and their teammates. I happily encourage them to pick out a little gift that their buddy would love for his birthday celebration. I have a great time meeting a compatible mom and her son at the park so the kids can get together and we moms can chat. But, with that parental support & encouragement comes the risk of...unsolicited socializing...with other parents...gah. It's not on my terms, and it forces me out of my introverted comfort zone. I find I'm reluctantly pushed into socializing on someone else's terms, and I really don't care for it. The snack schedules that the "Team Mom" forces on everyone. The "End-of-Season Pot Luck" that we're expected to attend and contribute to. The "Trophy Presentations" that we have to 'oooo' and 'awww' over when each kid on the team is acknowledged for all their contributions to the team's success...even though none of the leagues are competitive, it's all recreational, there's no winning team and yet, unfailingly, every single season each one of our boys comes home with a plastic trophy that instantly gets mangled in some little tussle because they were playing Star Wars and thought they'd use their trophy as an impromptu light saber. Or, the birthday party where parents are expected to stay and mingle with the other parents of all the kids, even though the kids are old enough to know they'd really wish Mom and Dad would just leave so they can have a good time with their friends and not have to be chaperoned by so many grown-ups.

I go through the motions...with a smile on my face, and making polite small talk with the other parents. But, inside I'm reeling in discomfort. I really wish my inner extrovert would hurry up and take over.

* As my siblings and I have aged and dissected our childhood experiences, I have concluded that we were definitely sheltered. Unfortunately, as I had few close relationships with anyone outside my family, I have no gauge to estimate just how sheltered we really were.

** This is not to be confused with "reclusive". I'm not one of those OCD, animal-hording ladies that you only catch a glimpse of through the window.

*** I wish I could say my boys get to see their extended family on a regular basis, but it's interesting how history repeats itself: my brother and his family live in California; my sister and her family live in Arizona; and I'm still here with my family in Colorado. Sheltered? Nah.

Biting Myself in the Butt

Wouldn't it be great if I could just call a jackass a jackass?

Sometimes I get soooo tired of being polite. And politically correct. And conscious of others. Sometimes, I wish I could just say what I think, and (1) not worry about offending someone, and (2) have comfort in knowing that the other person is such a strong, confident individual that they'd never be offended by my little comments. They'd just embrace my quirks as part of the complete Denese package & be totally cool with that.

What's prompting this post is (yet another) birthday invitation one of my son's received from a classmate. Here's the thing...the kid isn't even technically a class-mate. He's a grade-mate, if there is such a term. They're both in Kindergarten...and that's the ONLY thing these two kids have in common. Well, that, and the fact they both pee standing up. So why...WHY...did this kid feel compelled to invite my son to his birthday party? Or, more appropriately, why...WHY...did his MOTHER feel compelled to drag me into the wake of her son's birthday celebration?

Being the polite, politically correct gal that I am, I email RSVP'd* her back and said something about other obligations we had that day** and that we really appreciated the invitation but we were going to have to decline and have a great time and blah blah blah.

The next day, the mother sent an email to all the invitees saying how silly she had been to try and schedule her son's birthday party on a Saturday, a day when so many kids had other committments for things like sports, etc. She's going to be sending out another REVISED invitation this week with the newly rescheduled date and time of the party for her son. Frack.

So...here I am, biting myself in the butt. Why can't my RSVP*** just say "I'm sorry, but I don't know who the hell your son is, so why should I spend my husband's hard-earned money on a gift for a kid that my own son has never even mentioned before?" I just wish I could say what I'm thinking, and not worry about the message it conveys.

I wonder what the kid wants for his freakin' birthday...

* Thank GOD she provided an email option for me to opt-out in a quiet, non-verbal, non-committal kinda way.

** To be honest, we did have soccer games to attend. To be only partially-honest, the games were not even close to the same time as the birthday party...but still a somewhat valid "out" for us.

*** Or, better yet...not even RSVP! How about just deleting the whole event from my memory and having that be "okay" with everyone involved??

A Girl and Her Torch

As you probably know, I began dabbling in jewelry "design" a couple of months ago. I originally hoped to turn it into a reasonablly profitable little business,* but I'm finding it takes a LOT of time to market oneself on the big "www". I'll be totally honest, I don't have time to spend marketing my little beauties, so I'm not sure how "profitable" this venture will turn out at the end of the year.

Even though I'm anticipating a net loss on the old Lily Tree Studio** income statement, I still really enjoy having a creative outlet for myself. I love bending and hammering the metal. I love the endless possibilities in bead combinations. And, now, I've discovered I REALLY love torching beads. I'll explain...

Lampworking is a term for melting rods of colored glass in a flame, and wrapping the glass around a mandrel to form a glass bead. I took a lampworking class a week ago, and this is what I made:


I am many, many, many hours away from creating anything that's worth putting into a piece of jewelry. Regardless of how much junk glass beads I end up making, I'll treasure the opportunities to don those awesome welding goggles, crank up the propane, and mold globs and globs of molten glass into various shapes and colors. And, someday, I might get to update this post with a picture of beads worthy of my inventory.

* A little "whoot-whoot!" shout-out to those of you that took the leap and purchased a pair of earrings. I hope you aren't too embarassed to wear the earrings out in public :)

** Shameless plug for my business. If I'm gonna spend the time to blog, I may as well throw a little self-promotion in there, too, right? www.lilytreestudio.etsy.com